A-Mazing!

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Honestly?

There's no real magic in Hypnotherapy, (although it is magical).

Hypnotherapy is the wonderful and effective combination of both psychotherapy and hypnosis, at the right point, the right time.

We are all stuck within our life mazes, all of us, and like any maze, when you're in it, it's hard sometimes to know which way to turn, or which way is the right way to go.

The great thing about hypnotherapy is that you have someone there for you- that can see into your life maze; that can help you with the twists and turns.

We aren't invested in your outcome other than we want what is best for you.

Of course you can talk with family and friends but there will always be an investment in their opinion because they are family or friends; there will always be influence. The great thing about the therapeutic hour (before even discussing Hypnosis), is that you can say whatever you like, worry free. We don't get offended, nor judge- we are just there for you and your well being. To help make things better.

How liberating and cathartic can that be?

THEN... The hypnosis part, once you can see your maze from this new perspective, the hypnosis can get in 'there' and really make some changes, as it engages your subconscious mind and invites it to change, knowing that change is the best thing for you to do. After all, that's why you are here.

Right down deep in our core, we want to survive, and sometimes, somewhere along the line, that message has got lost or misinterpreted. So once the subconscious mind comes on board, well, then, lets face it, in todays' age, anything is possible.

Meditation on survival: Guest Blog

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Sometimes, I have the privilege to work with incredibly bright, articulate and responsive clients to whom creativity heals. It is with honour and gratitude that I have been invited to post this beautiful piece.

 

Meditation on survival

Let my scars stay with me from the small to the ugly and jagged. Although I wear the type that can’t be easily seen or felt, they are still mine to own. I will display them proudly because I know that none were a mortal wound. I am still here. The years will fade and so will they. Yet I will keep them close to me as a memento of lessons learn’t. It will be with life’s battles that I shall have a high head and a full heart. For I know that my victories depend on failure. A new set of scars to display.

 

I am reminded of just how lucky I am, that through pain I too have found what gives me peace, and discovered ways to allow my creativity to heal through the work I do.... When I say work, I mean the joy of being able to do what I love.

Narcissism.  The truth about cats and dogs.

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How the heck does it all work?

At the moment “Narcissists” / “Narcissism” seems to be rather in fashion, thanks probably due to our visual networking era, and no doubt Trump has championed one of the viler ends of the scale, bringing the sheer disbelief that can be attached to Narcissistic behaviour to the fore- and yes, at the Psychotic end of the scale Narcissists and their acts are really unbelievable.

Of course, there is a scale; from the out and out Psychopaths to the, put bluntly,  f@*king selfish.

And of course there is the ‘nature’ aspect of our history to consider, when back in ye olde days, hunters had to have focus and single mindedness to hunt prey, and others needed the unity, sharing and supporting each other skills for survival, really important for those who weren’t the hunters of the communities.

 

So lets think about it in terms of the careless cat and doting dog.

 

The BASIC measures of what makes a Narcissist a Narcissist are;

They lack empathy, which inhibits their capacity to love and care, in addition, 

They are the centre of their own universe, 

They deep down believe they are more special, the chosen ones, 

All those traits together mean they have a drive, an aim; to be adored and desired and get as much attention as they can….. Any attention. So they are constantly prowling for the best attention givers that suit their individual needs that they can find.

 

This creates a magnetic, almost magical draw for Empaths, people pleasers, and those of us who don't feel 'good enough'- as the Narcissist always wants to be pleased and people pleasers always want to please, and the, not good enoughs will always keep trying… An all this works until one of them gets tired, exhausted by trying or by keeping the mask up.

Because a Narcissist feels little to no empathy, love to them is foreign, love to us, (those of us with empathy) is endless, bigger than the universe, unquantifiable, abundant…. All those glorious terms that come with love. 

But to the Narcissist what they believe to be ‘love’ is limited… Because without empathy, love is, well, different.

Love to a Narcissist is solid and objectified, it has a limit, it is attention based, so the common label for what Narcissists feel as ‘love’ is, ‘supply’- ‘What can you give ME?’

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A cat will leave you if you don’t give to it what it wants, a cat will find prey just to play, hungry or not.

To gain their supply, (love)  the Narcissist subconsciously (and consciously) tests through expectation; 

The first item on their relationship check list is-

Do you adore them, will you adore them?

and secondly,

Will you be able to supply and cater to their needs? 

If you can't or don’t you’re out, if you can and do, you’re…milked.

OR..... You may be a slow burner and kept in the background until they think you’re ready.

Rarely does a Narcissist go without supply.

What are your warning signs?

How dog are you?

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Have you:

A strong desire to help people, (you may have grown up being rewarded for making your family happy).

More patience than most?

More tolerant than most?

More acceptant than most?

More empathy than most; an Empath?

A career with glamour; be it physical, intellectual or indeed, spiritual?

Glamorous friends and contacts?

Earning potential?

Have a helpful social standing for their needs?

Most importantly

Do you give unconditional love?

Do you put other people’s needs before your own?

Do you believe the good will come if you try harder?

Do you tirelessly really work at things?

If so, you may need:

More protection,

More boundaries,

More strength, 

More of those things that 'regular' people take for granted, You need to create more to protect yourself from Narcissistic influencers.

If you have a snippet of doubt that something feels off, any doubt at all, check your boundaries;

Compare- think about how much you have done for this one person that perhaps you don’t do for other people,

Listen, really listen to what your friends say, because you are more dog, chances are your friends will be really solid.

Consider- have you made more exceptions to accommodate the cat in your life?

If so, then,

Strengthen your boundaries and see if they get pushed, and if they do, make your boundaries firmer, practice the art of ‘NO’ by saying 'yes' and slowly distance yourself as much as you can, and work on YOU. Slowly build up your confidence, your strength, your resolve to get away.

The distance will give you strength, getting to know yourself and your vulnerabilities will make you stronger. Learn to trust your instincts and not your grooming.

It’s hard, but you can do it, little by little. 

Just my small thoughts with love.

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Jingle hells, Jingle hells

 It's not you, you know.

It's not you, you know.

This time of year can be hellish, for a gazillion reasons.

If you suffer from anxiety, low self esteem, dodgy self worth, certain phobias, performance dread..... For all sorts of reasons you may feel overwhelmed this month.

Everything becomes MORE, more sound more vision stresses more excitable people, more everything. If you have a sensitive system (and many of us do) this can easily get drained quickly with everything being so temporarily different

-Not forgetting the, I should be happy because it's Christmas, a recipe for even more anxiety, the self questioning, what's wrong with me? Why aren't I more happy?!

What about being single at this hideously romantic time, or knowing you don't have that family squeezed on the sofa, something that you would really want, not just for Christmas, for life? Dreading that, "So what are you doing for Christmas?" question.

Yeah, nothing is wrong with you, it's just THAT time of year.

That's all very well I hear you think, but what can you do ?!

OK so, 5 tips........

1. Get the present buying DONE- One less stress.

If people love or like you then they should love / like the gift, because it's from you. Put in some thought of how you know them and what you think they may like, and remember, you're not a mind reader, you can only do what you can do.

2. Breathe.

Breathe into your tummy- when we're anxious our breathing becomes shallow, so take time to breathe several times into your tummy, you can add a mantra if you like, I find something like, "this hell will be over soon enough and I can go to bed and be happy"- it's not conventional, but it works.

3. Joyful Hell

Fake it 'till you make it- If you can. Pretend to have fun, until the hell is over- you've got to be there anyway. It IS hell, find solace in the fact that humans are designed to adapt, we have the ability to feel many things at once so why not try to feel two things, joy that it's soon over and the hell of the time..... Just don't pretend too much, you don't want people to invite you again next year.

4. REST

Take time in between the Christmas busy to recharge, if you have to make sacrifices- Make them. Better to enjoy a few things than be miserable in everything....Surely?

So do the usual, the regular- eat well, sleep, meditate if you like that, find some quiet space or a fab piece of music. Theres a great app called 'Relax melodies' where you can create your own sounds, if that type of thing works for you.

5. Remember, It's not you, it's your environment. 

Once we know the anxiety is heightened, figure out why, from family members and crowded rooms to crowds in the street and flashing Christmas decorations, it can even be just feeling uncomfortable, once you know it's your environment, you know- IT WILL SOON BE OVER!

 

 

 

Game of Scones.

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Back to School for Mums.

As if the kids suffering isn't enough, the whole playground hell is knocking.

What’s that sound? Is it the sound of the clock counting down to that dreaded first day, second day, next week, year after year?

Tick tock…

School time.

School uniform? Check.

New shoes? Check.

Summer of just enough catching up with the school friends to keep the return to school bearable.

New super trendy school lunch box? Nope

-Old, skanky, last year’s much loved (and rinsed and still stained) Tantrum-less lunchbox? Check.

Homework? Check.

Hamster still alive? (for those less fortunate summer sitters (well played school, well played.)) Check.

Full body covered armour? Check.

Flying dragons? Check.

Sanity..... meh.

 

How to OWN the yard.

Five top tips.

1. Smile, everyone else is terrified too. If you’re going down, go down smiling.

2. Everyone in the school playground is, thinking about THEMSELVES… And their child being the best. No-one actually has anytime for you and yours, let alone what you're doing to survive.

3. Have three questions lined up rehearsed and ready. Yes! It may seem bizarre but It works to be prepared even with seemingly inane casual chatter- None knows whats inside your head.

4. Invite mums ‘in’, use your body by turning yourself to mums mid chat or stepping back to include them, and then ask them what they think, this sets a precedence moving forward, people will subconsciously learn you are safe and inclusive and will more likely gravitate to you in the yard.

5. This is not you. You are mother, lover, friend, independent woman, who do you want to be? You can create whatever sort of yard self you want…. You can walk through the gates like Daenerys walking through the flames (ideally with clothes) into a yard of Dothraki. Just have fun….Know one knows what goes on in your mind. 

 

If in doubt, hypnosis can help too. You can feel a strong, confident player in the yard.

 

 

 

 

The Transformative Nature of Unrequited Love.

Guest Blog.

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The Transformative Nature of Unrequited Love

Whether the relationship was completely imagined, partially begun, or deeply developed, most people have experienced that moment of realisation that it will never be.  However, through the pain of unrequited love, the potential for transformation is one of the more powerful and positive reactions.

Our minds can focus on self-improvement when we a yearning for another, because if the self that is rejected is not the person you wish to be, we can often vow to be better.  All of the facets of your life that you swore you would improve one day can come keenly into focus.  Whether your intention is to lose some weight, spruce up your appearance or become the accomplished individual that you always wanted to be, unrequited love can motivate you to finally pursue your goals.

Having met a seemingly great guy online, he simply disappeared one day.  He was French, handsome and had an appealing lifestyle.  From the beginning, I was flattered by his attention, and even before he vanished, the transformation had begun.  I started to commit to a diet and shed weight.  Within 3 weeks, I had dropped the dress size, which I had been trying to lose for the past 2 years. Next, I had always wanted to learn a second language, as I used to cringe at the thought that I had never been able to master one despite having classes at school.  Unbeknownst to him, I found myself secretly studying French again!  Most importantly, I looked at my life and work.  I wondered what had happened to the freelance writing that I had started successfully, but had not pursued for nearly 6 months, and I started to write again. 

When he disappeared, I felt so rejected, and I began to questioning why the relationship did not work out.   My deepest insecurities surfaced, and I was tempted to sink into the doldrums, but it was precisely the sting of not being accepted that fuelled my commitment to finally take the positive steps, which I had considered for so long. I decided that I did not want to be in the same predicament ever again.  I did not want to meet someone, and wonder why I was not introducing them to the person that I knew that I could be with a little more effort.   I continued to stick to my diet, learn French and made writing a new focus in my career.  

From time to time I have the great fortune of my path crossing with some wonderful people, I'd like to thank this lovely author for this beautiful piece on change. 

As a Hypnotherapist, I believe that if we have 'been there' mentally before, we can re-establish those brain patterns, and what more powerful behaviour action could there be than being in love? 

Perhaps sometimes we get beaten down in our day to day lives to forget how in love we are with our partner and sometimes we just need a gentle nudge or reminder to activate those mechanisms. Perhaps love feels like a distant memory of a relationship gone by. Whether it is changing our weight or feeling a little spiritually lighter, it can sometimes be really thought evocative to consider,

'What would I do right now if I were in the throes of being in love?'

Have a think, it may be surprising, it may even give you that glimmer of cheer and give you something to act on.

Letting go.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

Rev Safire Rose

I saw this poem on the internet (probably Facebook) and it resonated. I have been involved in change work for such a long time and sometimes I forget how wonderful and how beautiful it is.

Change doesn't have to be 'shout from the rooftops' radical, sometimes it can be as quiet as the poem and gently, subtly we realise just how different we are and have become.

That essentially is what I love about hypnosis, our mind and our bodies want us to survive, sometimes it's as simple as a mis-programmed safety switch, other times a more complicated system of knots, but hypnotherapy gets right in there, it detangles and allows the flow, and simply helps us to let go, perhaps with fireworks but sometimes just with a gentle sigh of release. It is our own poetry; our life's poetry that somehow gets trapped inside, that hypnotherapy can release, a freedom to be ourself.

We can read all the self help books in the world, from Paul McKenna to Eckhart Tolle and some things will resonate, and we may even make those changes, but nothing beats working with someone to make those changes, to recognise the changes, someone who truly wants the best for us and are by our side through all the challenges. That's the beauty of being a change worker, I get to be that person and get to see and support the incredible changes we are all capable of doing.

In recent months, despite being in the role I have always wanted and worked towards, I have been overwhelmed with extra work; all the stuff that in running a practice is unseen, family responsibilities, the elderly dog, the dreaded admin- all areas of life have demanded immediate attention, and just like that, I became swallowed in day to day minutiae, forgetting to iron the school shirts, forgetting to notice the sunshine, forgetting to notice that I had once again turned into an, "In a minute..." mum, and I so very I quickly lost sight of the horizon, the future, the hope.

Then, I was reminded, very gently, very quietly, by this poem coming my way once more.

I cannot be 100%, 100% of the time, no one can.

I am blissfully lucky to be able to do what I do, and truly grateful, and sometimes I too forget to reflect, to do the exercises I say to my clients; to give thanks and to just let go.

To everyone to whom I have ever crossed paths with, all my lovely, wonderful clients and friends, thank you. You have always been my inspiration. I feel truly blessed to have had the chance to work with you, and to those whom I have never met that get the chance to read this beautiful poem, I hope it does just the same for you, and gives you brief release, if only for a moment.

 

 

 

 

Ditch the spare tyre.

Top five tips for burning the rubber.

1. SEE THE FUTURE: Get a picture of you slimmer or find an image that is an achievable weight on the net.

2. FEEL THE SUCESS: Every time you worry about ‘gaining’ weight or the weight you are, just think about that image, let yourself dream of being at that point. Moving freely, laughing, having fun.

3. LEARN TO BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT: you can do it; think of all of your other life achievements, you can shift a pound easily in comparison.

4. BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT: just make little different choices; decide to treat yourself to something healthy for a change, treat your body to that bit of pineapple or that blueberry smoothy, why not?

5. JUST DO IT: Go on, just treat yourself to healthy, every day. Have that lovely yogurt infront of the telly, really look forward to it, your reward at the end of the day.

If we kept saying to a child when they were learning to ride,  “Look out for that bush, look out for that person, look out for that lamp post!!” What do we think will invariably happen? ....And what would happen if we kept on saying and saying and saying it?

That’s what we do when we’re scared of gaining weight or when we focus on our fat bits, so with the help of tip no1 lets focus on where we really want to go. (It’s Okay to see a positive future you know, we can just store that image in our heads and no-one will know). 

Feel the sensations of being slimmer, use every sense to truly experience the future so you can excite your imagination and then your body to really want it.

It will take a little time to persuade the belief to stick, don’t worry, these things do take time… Think of how long you have persuaded yourself to eat crap food and finally believed it was good for you, it made you happy.

Eventually the awkward practice will ease off, and before you know it , you are doing your visual mantras daily just as easily as you managed to negatively do it in the past. Who knows, you may even give yourself a wolf whistle at being soon very gorgeous.

Then finally, less the pressure of performance and the fear of failure, and before you even realise it, you will be choosing the more healthy, natural options, and that spare tyre? Well, that’s for those people who are scared that something may go wrong, they may crash into a bush or something.

Go. Kick arse and burn the rubber.

And of course, that's what the Hypnotherapy can do; you can shift those old, tired, subconscious beliefs that just don’t work for you anymore, it can access that part of your mind really easily, the part that takes time and a little persistence to reach in everyday day to day life.  It may be that you don’t want a one to one session, so go and have a look on youtube, there is a whole wealth of hypnosis videos for you to check out.

And if you want a more intensive, bespoke experience,

just call or text Tracey : 07976 629098

Sessions also available via Skype.

Thinking out loud.

Thank you to my wonderful guest writer for this lovely blog.

Everyone is getting therapy.  Everyone. Well, clearly not everyone, but a Sunday morning post therapy de-brief with a friend who had her session the evening before or my flatmate who had her session on Wednesday, is no longer an unusual feature of the week.

Therapy (and in particular hypnotherapy) is a pretty new development in my life, with a total of 5 sessions on tally at my time of typing. I’d thought about therapy for a while from my mid-20s (now 31) but the idea of brain spewing (as I like to call it) on a stranger was a pretty uncomfortable concept. Opening the treasure trove of mental junk accumulated through my teens and 20s just sounded like effort. And with that came the doubts and insecurities. What will I talk about? What will he/she think of me? Am I a nut job? Will it work? What do I even want to achieve?

Although I had a niggling idea of the kind of things that I thought were bothering me, I entered my first session nervous and unsure. Five sessions on, do I think therapy has been some miracle cure? No. I don’t think there was anything to “cure” in the first place. What I do know is that you don’t have to be crazy to see a therapist. You don’t need to be an emotional wreck struggling to function or suffer from addictions or OCD or any other reason we give ourselves to just not do it. In my last session I spoke about some personal ambitions I had and we explored how I might get there. That 1 hour a week with an unbiased, objective therapist, with no personal agenda has helped me re-focus on the issues at hand and start the process of becoming less burdened, re-energised and just not so damn hard on myself!

We’re only too happy to invest in the physical. A nice new outfit, some highlights in my hair, that brand new juicer and boot camp plan to keep in tip top shape. But what about the mind? What about the soul? It’s only natural that sometimes they might need tonic too.

So if you think you could benefit from chatting stuff through; whatever “stuff” looks like to you; what have you got to lose?

You’re not mental for seeing a therapist, you’re a pretty smart cookie. 

Black Sheep.

Today I read an article based on someone being called, “Too sensitive”, naturally every part of me wanted to respond “Aaaargh!!!” to the resolute victimness of it, as amongst other things, the statement, “You are too sensitive” is as much a wording structure issue as it is a judgemental issue.

I was reminded of a recent event where I (unusually ;-)) had some objections, and was told that, out of 30+ people, I was THE ONLY ONE who had complained. 

Now, many moons ago, if a person of status had said this to me, I would have quietly thought, ‘OMG! There’s something wrong with me!’ 

30+ people against 1….!!!

And backed down, feeling my opinion was 'lesser'.

But actually, over the years, I have got to know myself quite well, and whilst I can be too sensitive (sometimes) too opinionated (other times), I can also perceive really well when something is unfair and am a great fighter of the ‘underdog’. So, rather than accept this statement in the way it was designed, I chose to accept this divide and conquer statement as a compliment, 

‘In a poll of 31, you think I am unique, Awww, thank you’.

Because actually as much as I value being part of a tribe, I also rather value difference; I like difference, I enjoy difference.

Don’t get me wrong, not everyone does, but in certain contexts if I am labelled different, thank you. -It has taken a while to embrace being called, THE Black Sheep, but I actually, I rather like black sheep.

Being called, ‘Too’ anything can be hurtful or painful, especially when we are emotionally intelligent or empathic and just want to be part of a group or a unit. But then, it is about considering the context.

As a Hypnotherapist, part of the practice, (alongside the counselling skills) is to be aware of words and how we use them; perhaps we use metaphors to describe how we feel, or perhaps we rely on one of our senses more than the other; with training and experience I look for, listen to and sense all of these things when I am face to face with a client. I am acutely aware of word structures and how we use them to persuade ourselves to do, or not do something.

So imagine my surprise when in this article said loads about being ‘Too sensitive’ but gave little explanation of why the sentence structure alone can cause distress.

Definition.

Criticism:

noun

  1. The expression of disapproval of someone or something on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes.

-‘Perceived’, even in the definition of criticism there is a singular opinion.....And there lies the rub, if we hear a stand alone statement such as,

‘YOU ARE TOO SENSITIVE’

Behind that statement is the sentiment of a huge 'US' against just a little you.

(‘Divide and conquer’)

The use of ‘Too’ can suggest that there are opinion polls, a mass of people and great swathes of experience to judge and asses us, evidence to all conclude that you are TOO sensitive or OVER reacting. 

(‘Over…’  again, another example that suggests that there is a preset/defined ‘norm’ and you are not complying to it).  These are isolating statements that imply,

YOU are the only one that is different.

And perhaps these statements are true, but ONLY according to the one person saying it…. What they perceive.

So what if we look at the fact that everyone is different? 

Some of us have blue eyes, some brown -we are all different. Imagine saying to someone, “Your eyes are too brown/blue.”  Of course we wouldn’t... Because we are aware that people are physically genetically different, and there’s little we/they can do about it, even the statement feels uncomfortable because we are not used to saying or hearing it.

What if we too, are all emotionally different? intellectually different? etc etc… Then, rather than thinking that one way is right or wrong, we use what we have got to the best of our capabilities, and make the best out of who we really are?

If we are a black sheep, be the fluffiest, butt-kicking black sheep there is.

 

So how about we look at any judgemental sentence and change it to, 

“You are too sensitive (for me).” “You are over sensitive (and I can’t understand)"

...Then walk away knowing that the person who said the statement, just can’t keep up with us?

Footnote: Absolutely, we may be wrong, but that’s OK isn’t it? We are all allowed to get things wrong now and again, surely?