Love is blind and dating should be hard.


There are so many reasons why I feel passionate about writing this blog.

The first and foremost being ‘Reality living’. In all areas of life we are taught to compromise, to listen to our thoughts, to plan, to be reasonable, to be logical; expecting the results that come from hard work, patience and compromise.

And then there’s LOVE.

There’s meeting someone.

A client sent me a youtube video, that says it all, how we worked in our sessions; what we need our goals to be to work within a realistic format and how we could learn to better understand ourselves and our love choices.

The Youtube also mentions DIsney! Hoorah! Of all the things that has corrupted our relationships, Disney and your fairytales, I hold you largely accountable!

When we hold in our emotional space, the fairy tale, we alter our reality expectations and shift our responsibility- Magical things should happen to us.

-Our expectations increase, we expect the ‘prince’ or ‘princess’ and anything short of that isn’t good enough- and soon enough we start searching for the ideal and casting aside anything that doesn’t meet the fairytale expectation. Becoming more and more hopeless or continuing with the same search with no new caveats, no re-think, just the same formula. Until we do eventually become hopeless and eventually angry that anger either turned in on ourselves or the outside world.

And yes, fairytale things can happen to us if we look for them, but to expect the entire story can only lead to huge disappointment.

In all things, behaviour = outcome, in ALL things.

And yes, there is a slither, a variation on the basic rule, some people CAN live on cake and not get fat, but most of us cannot, we find balance and compromise; cake on Fridays (perhaps).

The point is the ‘slither’ it is Possible we can live the fairytale, is it probable?

So what to do?

In the fairytale:

-We don’t expect ourselves to behave like the prince or the princess.

(in the loving, altruistic sense of the labels)

-We don’t expect to do much work, put in much effort

(things should happen TO us)

-We don’t review and re-address, think that we may need to do some work on ourselves

In reality:

(In almost every other thing we do)

We take responsibility where we can;

We work harder for a promotion

We compromise;

We consider that travel may be shit, but we want to do the job

We know sometimes our friends can be arses, but we love them and it’s worth it in the main

We don’t expect to have our needs met incessantly and people around us to mind read, we learn to self soothe and be understanding

We don’t expect perfection and if we do, we know we have to work and work really hard for it.