Are you around a psychopath?
....Or someone with Psychopathic tendencies.
Ever been told you’re too much of something ?
.....ACCORDING TO WHOSE SCALE ?!
A huge amount of clients have come through my door having been through, (or still going through) a destructive relationship; whether that be with a loved one, a colleague at work, family or a friend.
Mostly the hardest trauma is being with a loved one who has Psychopathic traits and Narcissistic traits. Both of which are a sliding scale.
Both of which, you may have endlessly tried to please, only to find that whatever you do just simply isn't good enough. This becomes so very personal with a Psychopath/ Narcissist, Because they have decided YOU aren’t good enough for them, and sadly, no matter just how much you prove your worth, it will never be good enough in their fantasy.
You may find yourself feeling like a shell of what you once were, or so completely tied down you feel constricted, or lost in a maze with no idea where to turn.
If you are empathic, the Narcissist will empty you.
The Narcissist will mock your emotions and imply you are being extreme.
You’re soooo dramatic
You are too sensitive
You over analyse & ask too many questions
You misunderstand me
You're crazy/ jealous/ paranoid
You're soooo negative
You’re over emotional
You're the perpetrator of all that is wrong
You've got to be the centre of attention
All of these points are true to some degree, because as empaths, we self reflect and know we have flaws!
Everyone has these ordinary traits.
…. Apart from the Narcissist: Because they don’t self reflect, they don’t see them; they are a form of Psychopath that thinks the world is All about them, if there is a flaw, a chink in their armour- that’s because they believe YOU made that happen.
The Narcissist believes that they are the ‘perfect’ person and if there are any faults- thats because you made them happen.
Am I with a Narcissist?
The key factor to understanding if you are with a Narcissist is, Do they have empathy?
If they don’t, then have a look at the points above and just begin to understand that perhaps you are with someone that is unhealthy for you.
Difficult, I know, especially when you have done all that you can do to keep them happy, and of course, have been absorbed.
There is a huge wealth of information on the internet and I shall post some links below for the beginning of your journey. If you want to separate your psyche away from them.
Meanwhile, what can you do?
WHAT TO DO?
Begin your research, for you, on being and dealing with a Psychopath.
- Understand that you cannot change them, you can only work at building yourself back up.
- Start separating your psyche from them, turn to friends and family for support.
- Begin re-opening channels of communication with others.
(because chances are, they have been trying to separate you from your loved ones).
- If you have stopped, start exercising.
- Start remembering what is FUN for you.
- Understand that they have no empathy- truly understand it, do you own research. This is key.
When I work with clients, (who usually have bucket loads of empathy) this is the hardest thing for us to get our heads around, because empathy is our 6th sense and we can’t imagine life or people without it.
This is where they win their war.
Empathy gives us understanding …and boundaries.
THEY HAVE NONE.
To expect them to understand how you feel is like throwing a ball to a man with no arms and saying, “Catch!” So see them in that way, how can they catch? They cannot.
The remotely good news in all of this is getting your head around the fact that, IF they don’t feel empathy, then they are not being malicious, they are just satisfying their endless needs.
Again, tricky to get your head around if you’re empathic.
Narcissists, don’t feel love in the way we do- as love involves empathy, they see love as ‘supply’ something that they need to fill up on, to satisfy themselves with.
So. how to separate from being an endless source of supply?
Begin to start shifting focus to yourself, satisfying YOUR needs - Easier said than done when you are in the depths of it, I know.
Every time you think about that person- (because they will be in your thoughts a lot), begin by thinking about YOU and your future and your life, and yes, your thoughts may drift or sneak back to them, and when you notice, pull yourself out again.
Write a list, begin a plan.
Look through the links below, and know, you're not alone.
Have a look through and start with the titles the really grab you, look also at ‘Gas lighting’.
Quite analytical and a good playlist for understanding what Narcissism is all about.
A much more friendly, empathic set of playlists that you may feel more warmth towards.
The more extreme end of Psychopath.
A great wealth of information from those who have experienced being with Narcissists.
You can also follow them on Facebook.
If this writing triggers any issues or confirms any doubts, please do get in touch, if you would like sessions for separation and /or strength just call Tracey: 07976629098. If you’re far far away, Skype sessions are also available.