Relationships
All relationships need work, some more than others, (that even includes the ‘twin flame’), and to expect the relationship to work effortlessly would be to buy into a reality that only Disney et al, can create…A fairy tale.
IF you imagine that day to day, moment to moment, change can occur- we meet new people, have different experiences- all of these things change us, meanwhile at the same time, the different experiences and different exposures happen for our partner too, the trick is allowing space for change and growing together through reconnection and investing in the relationship.
So what are the ‘Green flags’- the signs of a healthy relationship?
Green flags in a relationship refer to the positive signs that are markers to a healthy and fulfilling partnership, and it can be helpful to have those in our mind when beginning to date, assessing your feelings are so important to connecting, and whilst we all may pretend and be our better selves at the start, that feeling inside, is really helpful to know and recognise.
The more regular green flags include:
Communication: Open, honest, and respectful communication is key to a healthy relationship.
Trust: Both partners trust each other and feel comfortable being vulnerable with each other.
Mutual respect: Both partners respect each other's boundaries, opinions, and feelings.
Support: Both partners support each other's goals, dreams, and personal growth.
Healthy conflict resolution: Conflicts are resolved in a healthy, respectful, and productive way.
Shared values: Both partners have similar values and goals for the future.
Intimacy: Both partners feel emotionally and physically connected to each other.
Autonomy: Both partners respect each other's independence and have their own hobbies, interests, and social lives.
Overall, green flags in a relationship are signs that both partners are committed to building a healthy, respectful, and fulfilling partnership…Prepared to put in the work to change together.
It is important to remember that (seriously) no relationship is perfect, (and if someone tells you theirs is, they’re lying!) creating these green flags can help create a strong foundation for a long-lasting and satisfying partnership.
What are the ‘Red flags’ In relationships? - What do we need to look out for?
There are many different red flags that can signal potential problems in a relationship. Here are some common ones:
Lack of respect: A lack of respect for each other's boundaries, beliefs, or values is a major red flag. This can manifest as name-calling, belittling, or other disrespectful behavior.
Lack of trust: Trust is an essential component of a healthy relationship. If there are frequent lies, secrets, or mistrust, it can be a sign of deeper issues.
Controlling behavior: As I mentioned earlier, controlling behavior can take many different forms, and can be a red flag for potential problems in a relationship.
Disrespect for consent: Consent is an essential part of any healthy sexual relationship. If one partner is not respecting the other's boundaries or is pressuring them into sexual activities they are not comfortable with, it can be a sign of deeper problems.
Poor communication: Communication is essential for a healthy relationship. If there is a lack of communication, or if communication is frequently negative or aggressive, it can be a sign of deeper issues.
Isolation: If one partner is isolating the other from friends, family, or other sources of support, it can be a sign of potential control or abuse.
Infidelity: Infidelity is a major betrayal of trust, and can signal deeper issues in a relationship.
Red flags can indicate potential problems in a relationship. If you are experiencing any of these issues, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, and if you know their view may be distorted, talk, reach out, there are many support lines you can call but if you want to look at the situation with no judgement, call Tracey; 07976629098
What is psychological manipulation?
There are many different forms of psychological manipulation, which can occur in various contexts such as personal relationships, work, politics, and advertising. Some common forms of psychological manipulation include:
Gaslighting: a form of manipulation designed to make a person question their own perceptions, memory, and sanity.
Mind games: subtle manipulations designed to control a person's behavior or emotions.
Guilt-tripping: the use of guilt or shame to control a person's behavior.
Love-bombing: the use of excessive praise, attention, or affection to gain control over a person.
Isolation: the manipulation of a person's social environment in order to control them.
Intimidation: the use of threats or fear to control a person's behavior.
Shaming: the use of negative labels or criticism to control a person's behavior.
Deception: the use of lies or false information to control a person's beliefs or behavior.
These forms of psychological manipulation can be very damaging to a person's mental health and well-being. If you suspect that you are being manipulated or controlled by someone, it is important to seek support, as over time your sense of self can wear down and your strength to escape, escaped.
You do not have to suffer, even if you think you are (for now) a rubbish person, you deserve unconditional space, kindness and love …No matter what sort of person you believe you are.
What does Controlling behaviour look like in a day to day way?
Controlling behavior can take many different forms, and can be subtle or overt. Here are some common forms of controlling behavior:
Isolation: Controlling individuals may isolate their partner from friends, family, or other sources of support in order to control their behavior and limit their options.
Monitoring: Controlling individuals may monitor their partner's movements, communication, or activities, and may use this information to exert control or manipulate their partner.
Criticism: Controlling individuals may use criticism, insults, or put-downs to lower their partner's self-esteem and make them more dependent on the controller.
Threats: Controlling individuals may use threats, coercion, or force to control their partner's behavior or to keep them from leaving.
Gaslighting: Controlling individuals may use gaslighting to make their partner doubt their own perceptions, memories, or experiences.
Financial control: Controlling individuals may control their partner's finances, limiting their access to money or requiring them to account for every expenditure.
Micromanagement: Controlling individuals may micromanage their partner's behavior, making decisions for them or monitoring their every move.
Passive aggression: Controlling individuals may use passive-aggressive behavior to manipulate their partner, such as by giving the silent treatment, sulking, or refusing to engage in conversation.
It's important to note that controlling behavior can occur in any type of relationship, and can be perpetrated by people of any gender or sexual orientation. If you may think that you are experiencing controlling behavior, it's important to seek help, kindness and care, if you feel trapped, find a way to reach out to people; set up a new email with a strong password as a start.
Everyone deserves unconditional love and kindness.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that is designed to make a person question their own perceptions, memory, and sanity. It involves a pattern of behavior in which the gaslighter seeks to gain power and control over the victim by making them doubt themselves and their own reality.
Gaslighting can take many different forms, and it can happen in personal relationships, at work, or in other social settings. Some common examples of gaslighting include:
Denying or dismissing the victim's experiences or perceptions
Blaming the victim for things that are not their fault
Lying or being deceptive in order to create confusion or doubt
Using guilt or shame to manipulate the victim
Withholding affection or other forms of validation in order to control the victim.
Gaslighting can be very damaging to a person's mental health and well-being. Victims of gaslighting may experience feelings of anxiety, depression, and confusion, and may struggle with self-doubt and a diminished sense of self-worth. If you are experiencing gaslighting or suspect that someone in your life may be gaslighting you, it is important to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional.
Gaslighters use a variety of tactics to manipulate, confuse, and control their victims. Here are some common tactics used by gaslighters:
Denial: Gaslighters often deny that they said or did something, or deny that their behavior is causing any harm.
Blaming: Gaslighters may blame their victims for their behavior, or blame outside forces such as stress, work, or other people.
Contradiction: Gaslighters may contradict their victims and create confusion by saying one thing and then denying they said it, or by giving mixed messages.
Discrediting: Gaslighters may try to discredit their victim's perceptions, emotions, or experiences, by calling them crazy, irrational, or overly sensitive.
Minimizing: Gaslighters may try to minimize the impact of their behavior by downplaying its significance or saying it's not a big deal.
Intimidation: Gaslighters may use threats, coercion, or force to control their victims or to keep them silent.
Isolation: Gaslighters may isolate their victims from friends, family, or other sources of support, making them more vulnerable to the gaslighter's control.
Projection: Gaslighters may project their own negative qualities onto their victims, accusing them of doing the very things that the gaslighter is guilty of.
These tactics are often used in combination, and may be difficult to recognize because they are often subtle and insidious.
How do we deal with gaslighting once we know it’s happening?
Recovering from the damage of gaslighting can be a long and challenging process, but it is possible. Here are some strategies that may be helpful:
Seek support: It's important to seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or give Tracey a call. Talking about your experiences with someone who understands and validates your feelings can be a powerful step towards healing.
Validate your experiences: Gaslighters often try to make their victims doubt their perceptions, feelings, and experiences. It's important to validate your experiences and acknowledge that your feelings are real and valid.
Set boundaries: Setting boundaries can be a powerful way to regain a sense of control and establish your own identity. This may involve setting limits on your interactions with the gaslighter, or saying no to things that don't feel right for you.
Practice self-care: Self-care is essential for healing from the trauma of gaslighting. This may involve activities such as meditation, yoga, exercise, or spending time in nature. It's important to do those activities that make you feel good and give you a sense of joy and pleasure.
Challenge negative self-talk: Gaslighting can create a sense of self-doubt and negative self-talk. It's important to challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations and self-compassion, trust your feelings, or find a safe space to access those feelings.
Consider Hypnotherapy: Hypnotherapy can be a powerful tool in healing from the trauma of gaslighting. Tracey can help you process your experiences, identify negative patterns, and develop coping strategies for moving forward, but most of all we can work on a subconscious level to build up strength, resiliance and confidence, to be a kick arse, no nonsense person with rick hard boundaries!
Remember that recovery from gaslighting is a process that takes time and effort, but it is possible. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.
Call, text or Watsapp Tracey on : 07976629098
All sessions are confidential, sessions can be in person, online or phone calls… If you’re not comfortable being face to face.