The Transformative Nature of Unrequited Love.

Guest Blog.


The Transformative Nature of Unrequited Love

Whether the relationship was completely imagined, partially begun, or deeply developed, most people have experienced that moment of realisation that it will never be.  However, through the pain of unrequited love, the potential for transformation is one of the more powerful and positive reactions.

Our minds can focus on self-improvement when we a yearning for another, because if the self that is rejected is not the person you wish to be, we can often vow to be better.  All of the facets of your life that you swore you would improve one day can come keenly into focus.  Whether your intention is to lose some weight, spruce up your appearance or become the accomplished individual that you always wanted to be, unrequited love can motivate you to finally pursue your goals.

Having met a seemingly great guy online, he simply disappeared one day.  He was French, handsome and had an appealing lifestyle.  From the beginning, I was flattered by his attention, and even before he vanished, the transformation had begun.  I started to commit to a diet and shed weight.  Within 3 weeks, I had dropped the dress size, which I had been trying to lose for the past 2 years. Next, I had always wanted to learn a second language, as I used to cringe at the thought that I had never been able to master one despite having classes at school.  Unbeknownst to him, I found myself secretly studying French again!  Most importantly, I looked at my life and work.  I wondered what had happened to the freelance writing that I had started successfully, but had not pursued for nearly 6 months, and I started to write again. 

When he disappeared, I felt so rejected, and I began to questioning why the relationship did not work out.   My deepest insecurities surfaced, and I was tempted to sink into the doldrums, but it was precisely the sting of not being accepted that fuelled my commitment to finally take the positive steps, which I had considered for so long. I decided that I did not want to be in the same predicament ever again.  I did not want to meet someone, and wonder why I was not introducing them to the person that I knew that I could be with a little more effort.   I continued to stick to my diet, learn French and made writing a new focus in my career.  

From time to time I have the great fortune of my path crossing with some wonderful people, I'd like to thank this lovely author for this beautiful piece on change. 

As a Hypnotherapist, I believe that if we have 'been there' mentally before, we can re-establish those brain patterns, and what more powerful behaviour action could there be than being in love? 

Perhaps sometimes we get beaten down in our day to day lives to forget how in love we are with our partner and sometimes we just need a gentle nudge or reminder to activate those mechanisms. Perhaps love feels like a distant memory of a relationship gone by. Whether it is changing our weight or feeling a little spiritually lighter, it can sometimes be really thought evocative to consider,

'What would I do right now if I were in the throes of being in love?'

Have a think, it may be surprising, it may even give you that glimmer of cheer and give you something to act on.