On being Kind
Has anyone noticed we are in pandemic?
I mean really noticed?
Anyone been a bit kinder with the New Year’s Resolutions because of it?
Choosing to be gentle with ourselves, because all around us is this strange, anxiety- provoking, coronavirus, uncertain life.
I must say, there have been occasions where I have slipped too. Gone to bed late (thank you Netflix) and DEMANDED to myself that I should be up at sunrise the next day, walked the dog, done an exercise routine, eaten porridge with hand picked fruits (organic) of the forest, scattered with the latest good-for-you seeds and washed it all down with some kombucha and green tea (organic) meditated post breakfast and scribed the latest list of gratitudes….. Then, start a day’s work.
Hilarious.
The reality? I drag myself out of bed, as Bear (the pooch) can’t hang on any longer for his morning ablutions, (‘morning’ being a loose term). Post walk, I wash, dress, brush my teeth grab a tea or coffee and crack on hoping the neighbours aren’t judging the late hour of my curtain opening and let’s be under no illusions, if it wasn’t for Bear, I would rarely see outdoors… Or come to think of it, even fit through the door to get outside.
Since March I have had the luxury of being able to work from home, but also, similar to most, I have had the joy of spending it with my inner, undiluted self.
-Yep that one that wants me jogging 5k, 10k, the London Marathon, that one who wants me working every spare moment, because I am working from home and can keep… on… going.
I know her very well, and on occasions she can be super helpful, but most of the time she can be hell to live with, a nightmare teacher, a super bitchy acquaintance, the office bully and a really shit manager all rolled into one nightmare house mate in my head.
Her favourite words?
SHOULD
MUST
HAVE TO
GOT TO
NEED TO
Needless to say the above words cause nothing but resistance in my adult self, as much as they did in my child self. That voice, that Tracey? She’s a bitch of a bully, always concerned about what others think, fitting in to society; being a pillar of the community, with very little ability to actually care about me.
The great thing is, I know her, I know she’s there, waiting for that moment to pounce and kick me when I am down, should she sniff an element of failure.
So very rarely does she take me by surprise nowadays.
If you could think about your inner-bully- what would they look like?
What do they say to you and when?
Me? It most definitely happens when I am already feeling vulnerable, she just comes on in and ‘tries’ to give a good ‘ole kick, at the peak time when being gentle is so much more important.
Meanwhile in my mind, to offset that bully, I have my favourite character (but just as destructive in some ways), my little old lady who I call Gladys; she’s cute, sits by the fire with a big cup of tea and a plate of custard creams, she regularly pats the chair beside her and says, “Go on, have some biscuits, come *cwtch by the fire.” She regularly invites me to have what I WANT- no limits, because, to her, I deserve it- she loves me unconditionally, and that love has no limits and her gifts and her comfort, no limits….. (She really loves watching Netflix).
So for a while, I found myself oscillating between the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’, flip flopping my way through life.
The bully Tracey judging then pushing and pushing, or to escape that and find comfort, my old lady Tracey. There was no safe, secure, firm and fair, happy medium.
Since I realised that my mental self was crammed with these extremes, I have created a newer, ‘parent’ self in my mind- a kind, caring and wise self, for me she is very similar in my imagination to a mother nature type character- someone who I would love my older self to become.
She is generous in spirit and offsets my bully, who says “You SHOULD” and she says, “Is this for you?”, ”Is this the right time to do that?” She moderates what I need and want, giving me permission to look after myself and put what suits me best, first.
And perhaps that involves NOT staying up till 2am watching another episode on Netflix, so I can get up, NOT at the crack of dawn, but at least in single figures at a time that suits my needs best. She helps moderating my visits to the kitchen fridge, she holds the balance, so I can treat my lockdown as a safe sanctuary.
Or, if I need to, after a particularly harrowing or busy day, I have her permission to stay up late, using the familiar comfort of Netflix to zone out with Gladys, knowing I can be gentle with myself the following day. Or have the rare day with my bully, just getting things done with a bit of pushing.
None of it all the time, but in moderation to my needs and gently, because we are in a pandemic.
So if you are living with a bully in your mind- keep an eye out for them, and perhaps find someone to offset that bully in a firm but fair way. Create the characters in your mind’s eye, give them names and personalities, clothe them; imagine them having conversations, see what works best for you.
We are living in extraordinary times when there is the unknown all around us, this isn’t time to be harsh with ourselves, it a great time to understand who we are and what are our healthy limits.
Hypnotherapy sessions don’t have to be about trauma, but can be about listening to ourselves in a safe and secure environment, to create the changes we need or want.
Even if it’s a one off session here and there to keep that bully at bay, just get in touch.
You’re doing ok, hang in there.
07976629098 / hypkids@gmail.com